The Shores of Aman
by Araindil
Summary: A promise can yield age-long consequences. Rated PG just in case. Movie-based, so sue me... (But sprinkled with plenty of things from the books and the Sil that book fans should also find this appealing. In fact, book fans should enjoy this more than movi
1. Alone in the Rain

**Disclaimer**: All The Lord of the Rings characters, places, events, etc belong to NewLine Cinema and the Tolkien Copyright Trust. All original characters, events, etc. are property of author Araindil and may not be used without written consent.

**Nota Bene:** I would like to say that this story may not be for everyone. You should not read this if:  
1. you are such a stickler for Tolkien-accuracy that you cannot even stand me using creative license to put some of the "movie-mistakes" into a new light.  
2. you love the movies so much you cannot stand me writing/altering them in any way.  
3. You hate Haldir and can't stand to see him in anything.  
4. You love Haldir and can't stand to see him suffering/in angst.

Just to warn you all. Now, if you're still with me, one with the fic...

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**The Shores of Aman  
**by Araindil

Chapter One - Alone in the Rain

It is raining again.

The Celebrant rushes by, swelling on its fair banks, silver waters turned dusty grey by the rains. Arien has been lost behind the dark storm clouds for nigh on three days now. Storm clouds from the Misty Mountains. Clouds bearing great burdens of icy rain.

So cold. And so alone.

No one is meant to be utterly alone in the world. And no one truly is. Illuvatar has willed it so. And yet, the world has forsaken me.

Cruel is fate, cruel is the destiny of my days. The Halls of Mandos stealing away the only one I ever had in all of Arda.

Why? Eru, why?

Not so long ago, I had stood beneath these very mellyrn still with him. With a perilous love. How can it all be gone so quickly?

_Silver mellyrn opened their branches above us, forming a living roof as the grass became a carpet of emerald beneath our feet._

_"What is it melethril?"_

_Fair eyes. Such fair, guileless eyes. What could I say to him?_

_I put on a smile and shook my head, but kept my eyes averted. I did not think I could meet his gaze and still keep my control._

_"'Tis a great honor the Lady has bestowed upon you," I said instead, forcing my voice to be mild and conversational. "To lead our noble guard, to battle, it is a high honor."_

_"Yes," he replied. "Yes, 'tis a great honor indeed." _

_I did not look up, but I could feel his smile. His beautiful smile. I knew that he truly believed this. To lead the Lothlorien guard to battle side by side with the people of Rohan. Against all of Curunir's army, all of Isengard._

_To put his life rashly on the line._

_How could this have been the decision of Lady Galadriel and Lord Elrond, wisest of the Quendi in Arda? How could this reflect their wise counsels for eons past?_

_Bitter was the taste on my tongue, but I swallowed it along with my fear, anger, and indignity._

_I looked past the lush grass and my eyes fell on the glowing Celebrant, humming with light and watery music. _

_What did my thoughts matter in these matters anyway? He was glad of this honor. And I knew that I only had bitter, angry words to say. Useless words._

_I could only stay behind. And hope._

_"It will be a deed remembered as a union of friendship between the Quendi and the Atani for generations to come, will it not?" Again, I could feel his smile._

_But, oh..._

_You fool, my heart cried. You poor, honor-bound fool._

_My hands clenched into fists of their own accord, deep in the folds of my pale-blue robes. Pale-blue to match my eyes, I had thought that morning. Now it seemed unimportant, choosing of robes and little flightful fancies._

_I jerked with surprise at the touch of another's hand on my own._

_"Licuma?"_

_I looked up._

_And my heart failed at his bright fair eyes. Fair, perilous eyes._

_A simple touch, a soft-spoken name, and a single glance broke all the dams, all the hard-won barriers over years of grief. Fear, loss, and anger took me._

_I wept._

_Of sudden all the tears were released and I wept as I had never before. Tears flowing as waters held behind a floodgate, now unleashed and unchecked. I could not care any longer. I cried and cried, the sobs racking my entire body and my heart pounding so quickly it grew difficult to breathe._

_He sat beside me in silence. I could feel the shock emanating from him. And why should he not be? After all, the calm, gentle-spoken maiden he had known for so long had suddenly broken down utterly with neither reason nor warning. Why should he not feel surprise?_

_Tears spilled from my eyes, from my heart, from the very core of my soul. Cascading to drench the front of my robes. I covered my face with my hands and fought for control. But control had long been in fraying, and was now broken beyond repair._

_He was headed for a mission of suicide. A portion of Lorien's already small guard sent to help the pitiful men? Two small, hopeless armies against the full force of mighty Isengard? Feh, if this was not suicide then nothing was. It was beyond miracles to hope for life in face of such certain death. It was beyond hope to hope._

_My beloved was walking to death. Sent to death by the Lady. _

_For an instant, my thoughts turned bitter and angry upon Galadriel. Why? Why did she have to involve Lothlorien in the affairs and grievances of men? Especially in such dangerous affairs. Were we not safe in Lorien, impregnable Lorien, bound to time and protected by the power of Lady Galadriel? She herself should know this, she should have chosen more wisely. She should have chosen any other warden beside him, I thought desperately._

_But then reason came back. He had not had the task forced upon him. The Lady had given him the choice, and the fool he was had taken it willingly. More than willingly, he had taken it on gladly. _

_And it was not surprising. More loyal another could not have been to Lorien as he was. Loyal enough to put his life on the limb._

_The tears kept flowing, though I fought weakly._

_I was so lost in grief I did not even feel his hand on my arm._

_"Licuma, why these tears?"_

_So comforting, so real was his touch it shocked me back to reality with doubly sharpened senses. Warm and solid, his touch drew my soul in, as his hand drew me closer to him, though I was still turned away from him._

_I hid my face in the curtain of my dark hair, suddenly ashamed of the tears. I did not want to look at him. I did not want to be near him._

_And yet I longed more than ever for him. To be with him, to watch him and stay forever at his side. To see his smile, to feel his love._

_I was hopelessly smitten, hopelessly drowned in love and foreboding of loss. Hopeless as his mission._

_Suddenly, every fiber of me turned to irrational anger. Anger at him._

_I turned about violently, breaking his hold on me._

_"Why?" I said angrily, brokenly. "Why must you go? Why you? Why?"_

_In desperation of loss I pulled at my long hair. My face turned to the skies, eyes closed, tears still streaming down my cheeks. My heart was breaking, a cruel archer shot arrows of pain into me, and with each hit a bit of me was drawn away, to be replaced by grief and madness._

_"Licuma, what do you mean?" I sensed confusion in his voice. "Did you not say just before that it was a great honor-"_

_Oh, the fool. The fool!_

_"You do not understand, do you?" I cried. I lowered my tear-dampened face to meet his gaze in desperation. "You do not go to a battle of honor, you go to your death. There is no honor, for there will be none left alive to remember your deeds..."_

_I meant to continue, but I broke under his gaze. I could not force the words out through the knot in my throat, and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, disabling speech. I dropped my face into my hands and the tears returned in a fresh flood. I could not stop myself. Now that I had voiced my fears, it had intensified. I suddenly saw all the terrible deaths liable to occur in battle, and I saw again and again him dying every death my cruel mind forced me to recognize. Death covered all my thoughts, death and blood. So much blood..._

_Suddenly he clasped his arms around me. I was so taken aback my tears were stopped by the wall of shock. He drew me close until I was barely half a hand's width away from him. I trembled from head to toe, and could not trust myself to speak - much less look up at him. But he placed a hand beneath my chin and gently lifted my gaze to meet his. _

_"Licuma," he said. "Do not fear for me. No matter what happens, even if all you say comes to pass, we will not be lost forever to one another. We are the Firstborn of Illuvatar, forever in this world to remain. No matter where or how we are parted, we will always meet again in the Blessed Realm. Not even Mandos has the power to sway this truth."_

_I quivered inside at the sound of his voice. It was so melodious, as it always was. But now it was also solemn, and filled with trust and conviction._

_And I knew that he was right. Through all the ages of the world, no matter what takes him away from Arda, we shall always be reunited in Valinor._

_It was the promise of Illuvatar to his Children, unbreakable unto the end. But it did not comfort me. I did not think I could bear to wait that long if his mortal body were indeed slain. How could I bear to face the ages of the world alone, and waiting for a time that I did not know when should come to pass?_

_"No..." My voice was soft and hoarse from weeping. "I cannot bear to be separated from you for so long. I cannot survive like that." I shuddered. "Do not do this to me..."  
_

_"Do you not think that I have thought of the same thing?"_

_I looked up. This time, I managed to meet his gaze. I was so weary I could hardly shed many more tears._

_"Licuma," he said gently. "I have thought of all the outcomes of this battle countless times. Even the darkest fates that should await _us _paled in comparison to what should happen to Middle Earth if Sauron and Saruman win control of the lands. Licuma, understand that though I worry for us, the fate of Lothlorien and the other lands of Arda weigh heavily on my mind at all times."_

_I nodded. Yes, the fate of the world was certainly more important than the happiness of me, a small elf lost in the world._

_Arien sailed slowly Westward, every nearing the horizon with every passing word._

_"And I must lead our warriors, there is none other."_

_"What of your brothers?" I blurted. His brothers were every bit as able as him in the skills of battle._

_His eyes hardened. "They do not have the experience of leadership, and they do not speak the tongues of men as I do. Licuma, I would never, ever place others in risk to save myself, least of all those I love. You should know this."_

_I hung my head in shame. Of course, I knew. I was just being selfish, and desperately thinking of some way to save him. There was no use hoping he would survive, the battle would be a massacre. Rohan was already lost._

_"The company leaves at dusk on the morrow," he said quietly. "Will you come to see us off Licuma?"_

_My lips tightened, trembling. How could I stand to see him leave? How could I...?_

_I could find no reply._

_"Ce melin," I whispered instead. It was all I could manage before my throat closed again._

_"I know," he replied softly. "As do I you."_

_He placed a hand on my arm, his touch so gentle. _

"I still remember when I first saw you Licuma, thîr vain gín darn thûl nín."

The sun sank over the treetops in a brilliant gleam of gold, casting warm fire across the silver mellyrn.

"Even if I am taken from you," he added in a whisper. "We will meet again. Await for me on the shores of Aman, I will be there."

_I could not trust myself to speak._

_He pulled me into his arms, and I collapsed in his embrace. I buried my face into his cloak, trying to stem the tears forcing their way from my eyes._

_"Ce melin Haldir," I said, my voice breaking._

_"Ce melithon anuir, Licuma."_

_

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_

Sindarin Translations: 

_Arien _- the sun, or more accurately the Maia who guides the Sun  
_melethril _- beloved  
ce _melin _- I love you  
_thîr vain gín darn thûl nín_ - your beauty took my breath away  
_ce melithon anuir_ - I will love you forever

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	2. One Last Time

The Shores of Aman  
Chapter Two - One Last Time

I stood silently in the silver shadow of a mallorn.

I could feel my heart sinking.

The company to leave for Rohan was assembled in the glade beyond the shadows hiding me, helms glowing in the light of the setting sun. Their faces were expressionless, betraying neither fear nor anxiety, though the sense of dread was everywhere.

And at the head of our guard stood Haldir.

A dark red cloak was about his shoulders, his hair glimmered as paled washed gold upon the red. He was facing away from where I stood, though I could feel that he searched quietly - searching for me.

I hid in the shadows, leaning for support against the mallorn.

He was marching into a massacre.

I stood silently in the silver shadow of a mallorn.

I could feel my heart sinking.

The company to leave for Rohan was assembled in the glade beyond the shadows hiding me, helms glowing in the light of the setting sun. Their faces were expressionless, betraying neither fear nor anxiety, though the sense of dread was everywhere.

And at the head of our guard stood Haldir.

A dark red cloak was about his shoulders, his hair glimmered as paled washed gold upon the red. He was facing away from where I stood, though I could feel that he searched quietly - searching for me.

I hid in the shadows, leaning for support against the mallorn.

He was marching into a massacre.

This was most likely to the last chance to see him in Arda.

Yet I hid in the shadows, unable to bring myself to face him. I knew I would break down again. I could not...

His words still echoed in my mind.

"Ce melithon anuir, Licuma."

And suddenly, they gave me strength and resolve. I had to see him again.

This one last time.

Arien spread piercing fingers of light into the darkening sky as she rode down to Aman in the West. It was at this time yester day that he had told me.

"Ce melithon anuir..."

I stepped from the shadows with his words filling my heart.

Haldir waited with the others, for Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn to send them off. Tension was thick in the air as they waited, each elf fidgeting uncomfortably and trying not to let it show. Haldir continuously looked about, as if waiting for an unseen and nonexistent enemy to approach suddenly from the gathering dusk.

He turned and saw me.

I walked closer, willing none other to notice me.

He came over to stand before me, his face smiling.

"I had feared you would not come," he said.

"I closed my eyes and took a breath to calm myself.

"I would not have sent you off like that melith," I whispered in reply.

He gazed at me for a long moment.

"Do you still wish to stop me from Licuma?" His voice suggested this a jest, but I heard a touch of sorrow and sincerity.

I hesitated a brief moment. Yes, of course I wished to stay him...

But I knew I should not, could not.

I shook my head numbly, and reverted to the formal speech without knowing why.

"No, I cannot stop thee, though knowst I cannot." I swallowed and tried to keep my voice calm. "Therefore know this Haldir of Lórien; thou art all that I have in this world. And with that I charge thee - go you safely, keep you safely, and return you home safely to me." My voice quavered, but I kept a firm hold upon it. "Ce melith Haldir, thou knowst this to be truth."

Haldir knelt and kissed my hand. His eyes were unusually bright. "Have trust that I shall return, my lady," he said softly. I thought I felt a tear drop onto my hand, but when he looked up next there was no trace of weeping on his face.

Then, the Lord and Lady arrived.

"Go with my love and blessings Haldir," I said, hard pressed to keep my tears confined.

His gaze met mine, and our eyes locked. Eternity died then, as the single immortal moment froze between us.

Then he turned away, and it was as though ages had passed me by, leaving an old elf, burdened with deep memory.

I shook myself, trying to rid my head of the feelings.

The Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn stood before the assembled warriors, their faces as expressionless as those they had come to address. Her eyes traveled over the faces of every elf before her. I shrank back to the shadows again.

I did not hear a single word the Lady said. I only saw her lips moving, forming words that did not reach my ears. An ominous silence stretched through my mind, obliterating all else. Dimly I saw Haldir bow to the Lady and Lord, then turn to address the company himself.

Then with a final salute to Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn, the company prepared to march.

A sudden jolt lanced through my heart, forcing me down on my knees. I gasped at the unexpected shock, and looked up to see if anything had occurred that would give me a hint as to what it had been. I only saw Haldir as he walked past.

The sight of him sent another lash through me, making me collapse against the mallorn trunk. Then he was gone as the company set off swiftly and silently for Rohan.

I covered my face with the thick sleeve of my robe, muffling a whimper.

It was a pain of loss.

Even though my mind would not fully acknowledge it, my heart knew the truth.

I would never see him alive in Arda again.

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Note that this chapter was entirely in flashback format, just to help with any confusion that might arise. Also note that this chapter was very short because nothing else really fit here... So, yeah...

Sindarin translations - same as last chapter

**Thank you's to all my wonderful reviewers, you really make my day! :)**


	3. Valiant to the End

**The Shores of Aman**

Chapter Three - Valiant to the End

'Ce melithon anuir...'  
  
His words still echo in my mind, haunting my every moment, waking or dreaming.

The rain has begun to lessen slightly. The clouds seem to lighten. 'Soon, they will lighten to a small drizzle, then perhaps stop altogether,' I think dully. 'He would have been pleased... He had never liked the rain...'

Shimmering drops of rain trickle down my face, taking the place of tears I no longer have left to cry. My heart is empty, any emotion that filled it has been stolen away.

I keep my eyes to the ground, where the grass droops from the relentless rain.

I wonder what he would say if he could see me now; a black cloak falling from my shoulders to just above the ground, the hood shading my downcast face. His silver maid, all dressed in mourning.

This place will be marked with sorrow evermore; this small lawn of grass by the Celebrant, silver mellyrn leaning in to form a roof. A hollow is scooped into the earth now, covered by white niphredil blossoms. Lovely, but bearing no joy.

Everything that shall come to pass, will come to pass. I cannot reverse or alter fate. I can only play along.

And fate has brought me to this dreadful moment.

My beloved lies upon the bed of niphredil. Dressed in garments of clean white, his hair is as gold upon his shoulders. He is so pale, and peaceful. His eyes have been closed, and they feign sleep. It is a mockery of rest. Teasing the dreaming on earth.

And yet in a way, he is sleeping.

He rests in a sleep brought by Mandos; his expression now forever frozen by the moment of his passing.

I am dimly aware of many elves passing behind me, all of Lóthlorien seems to have gathered to pay their final respects.

They come to farewell the great Marchwarden of the Northern Borders.

An honorable warrior, valiant even to the end.

Haldir of Lórien.

They pass by quietly, each bowing their head and placing a stalk or two of pale niphredil at his feet. Some pause a moment longer to whisper words of farewell, mostly those who knew him as dear friends or distant kin, none closer to him than I. For the last I knew Rumil had fled at the news brought two days past, taking to wandering aimlessly about the Eastern Borders since then. Orophin has since withdrawn to his talan, not heeding the duties of the Watches and speaking to no one.

'Their pain must be as mine,' I think. 'Yes, perhaps they too have felt the pain... But it is gone from me now. And without it I feel nothing, I know nothing...'

The tread of soft footsteps and swish of rain-dampened cloaks form a morose drone, punctuated by the watery voice of the Celebrant.

I sink slowly to my knees, the dark strands of my hair spilling from the hood blends into the folds of my cloak. The niphredil in my cold hands are limp, glistening with the rain.

"..._even if all you say comes to pass, we will not be lost forever to one another_..."

'But my words have come to pass Haldir,' my mind echos hollowly. 'When now shall I see you again...?'

The slender white blossoms drop from my cold, senseless hands. White as his garments were the niphredil, but infinitely more alive.

Such a clean white I have scarcely seen before. White as the most pristine snow atop Caradhras. White as his cold, empty skin.

I can scarcely describe how it felt to first fully realize that he was gone. It had hurt, but more so than any other pain. I tremble at the very memory, but I know I will never forget when the company returned to Lóthlorien two days past...

_Ever southward my gaze wandered._

_Southward to where he was._

_To where he should be returning soon. Alive or..._

_"He will come back," I murmured automatically. My traitor heart always told me the worst, and I refused to belive it. I had tread this familiar path of thoughts for many days, every day spent in watching at the Southern Borders. Watching for his return._

_It has been, how many? Seven days? It seemed longer, every moment of light or dark in my past days were spent in wakefulness. At first it was a restless worry and anxiety, fearful to sleep lest troubled dreams haunt me. Then it had turned into a part of my being, rest was a long forgotten memory. All that existed was the waking world, thrown into sharpest relief by my wretchedly strained mind._

_Still I waited and watched as I did that day._

_I knew a guard of the Southern Borders was watching me. It was their job, after all, to watch and protect. And I knew that it was Talagan. I did not know how I knew it, I just did. Talagan, perhaps the greatest minstrel in Lothlórien. It was common enough to find him sitting by the fountain in Caras Galadhon, playing away at his silver lyre. Many often went there to listen to him play, so great was the beauty of his music. I had known Talagan since we were both little elflings, though we had hardly spoken for many seasons since he had taken up as a guard of the Southern Borders. He was a great friend of Haldir, dear as true-blood brothers they were, and I knew that it was only from duty that he had not followed the company to Rohan._

_But I was not thinking of Talagan on that day, for I watched intently for the company's return, knowing that enough time had passed to when they should be back._

_The sun was setting..._

_I watched the beams of light flicker across the shadowed skies. My tired thoughts slipped to idleness as my eyes watched the sunset._

_Suddenly I snapped to attention. _

_There was a dark shape quickly emerging from the south, illuminated eerily in the dying daylight._

_My heart pounded. It must be them. It must be!_

_I took a step forward, my feet moving of their own will._

_"Lícuma."_

_The sharp voice halted me, and I looked up to see Talagan shaking his head._

_Feeling impatient yet awkward to be reprimended as an unruly elfling, I stepped back to the shadows._

_I nearly cried out as an elf seemed to materialize near me. So silent had been the runner that I had not noticed him until he was almost beside me. His gaze passed over me to Talagan, who descended gracefully. I walked a distance away, to give them the semblance of privacy. Though in truth I was well within earshot to hear their conversation._

_"The company has returned," the runner said, quite uselessly. "I need to speak with Lady Galadriel."_

_Talagan began to answer, but another voice halted him._

_"There will be no need to send for the Lady, Talagan. I have come."_

_Talagan, the runner and I all turned to see Lady Galadriel gliding between the mellyrn toward us. I dropped quickly into the best curtsey I could manage, and the others bowed. As she passed me, her eyes gave me a searching look._

_The runner stepped before her and bowed again._

_"It is with joy to see that you have returned," Galadriel said imperiously. "What tidings of the battle Celussë?"_

_The runner, Celussë, replied in hushed tones. "The victory is of ours and Rohan my Lady, the armies of Curunir were vanquished. However..." He faltered for a moment. When he continued, his voice was strained. "However, many fell in battle..."_

_Talagan drew in his breath with a hiss, though it was none more than what we all had expected. A silenced stretched for several moments before the Lady spoke again._

_"How many?"_

_The question hung heavy in the atmosphere, a prophet of doom come upon the earth._

_Celussë closed his eyes for a moment, and I saw that his face was taut. "More than half of the company, my Lady. We lost..." I saw him begin to tremble, and was shocked that even a hardened warrior could feel so violently as this. But I was more anxious to know who had been lost that caused him so much grief. I longed to know, though my heart wailed in despair - already knowing the answer. I shut out my heart, keeping all my thoughts checked by my mind._

_Lady Galadriel scrutinized him with her ethereal gaze._

_"He has fallen then," she said softly._

_Celussë looked up at her with the startled eyes of a rabbit, then closed them and bowed his head. "Yes, my Lady."_

_Who has fallen? Perhaps a dear friend to Celussë? But why was the Lady so wrapped up in such affairs when the news of victory seemed much greater?_

_I could see Talagan tense as he looked to Galadriel. "My Lady, what...?"_

_She turned her somber gaze to him. "This subject shall rest at the moment Talagan. No doubt you shall learn all when the company returns."_

_The silence hung for long moments before broken by a shrill bird's call. I turned instinctively toward it, recognizing the Guard's signal. Talagan cupped his hands and returned the call, softer and less shrill. Soon, an elf appeared from the shadows with quick steps. He bowed low before Lady Galadriel._

_"The company returns, my Lady."_

_All eyes turned to across the Celebrant, and there saw a bulk in the gathering dusk, swiftly and silently crossing the Celebrant at a ford downstream. Moments later they reached where we stood. I shrank further back into the shadows, not wishing to be seen. I felt Talagan's eyes note where I had moved to, but I was too preoccupied to care. So few had returned, so few of the warriors that set out days before. My eyes scanned the company for Haldir - they had moved in a neat column, but with none at their head as commander. My heart beat faster._

_Someone stepped forward from the group and knelt before the Lady. "The battle was concluded barely two days past, for our company has made great speed on the road. We have victory, my Lady. Though at a great cost." I heard his voice shaking in the slightest degree, tormented with what was suspiciously close to tears. "The Marchwarden..." He faltered. My heart leapt to my throat. Surely, Haldir had won great renown in the battle, and now his deeds would be made known to the Lady and all of Lórien. Yes, that was it, it had to be..._

_After a moment's hesitation, he spoke again; I was impatient to hear of my beloved's valor in battle, then see him again. "Marchwarden Haldir was most valiant, taking on more yrch than many other of our warriors combined. He fought as a hero to the last..." He swallowed._

_"Cuedhel." The Lady's voice was gentle, but laced with authority. "The time for military tales will come, but at the moment, the end result is what is needed to be heard." She glanced at Talagan, and her sharp eyes espied me hid in the shadows._

_Cuedhel nodded numbly. Silence hung, then he finally spoke again. "He has fallen, my Lady. Marchwarden Haldir, of the Northern Fences, was struck down by the enemy on the walls of Helm's Deep of Rohan."_

_I heard Talagan draw in his breath in a sharp hiss, but the words dropped into my mind hollowly. I could not comprehend, my heart was so shut out of matters at the moment._

_Cuedhel beckoned to some others in the company. They stepped foward bearing a bier covered by clean white cloth. They laid it down before the Lady with bowed heads._

_My head whirled terribly. What were they doing? Where was my Haldir?_

_Lady Galadriel bent down with grace and drew back the cloth. She closed her eyes a moment. "Hodo vae Haldir, gornon rochir."_

_My gaze dropped to the bier as the Lady's words filled my mind with tortured screams._

_I saw his face, he lay there cold and unmoving._

_At once all the truth came flooding in, my heart wailed as I kept it back no longer. He had fallen. Haldir, Marchwarden of the Northern Fences. My Haldir._

_Fallen._

_The trees swayed and the ground tipped as I fell to my knees._

_Gone._

_It could not be...!_

_I felt someone at my side, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Dimly, I heard a voice and recognized it as Talagan._

_"Lícuma! Can you hear me? Lícuma...!"_

_The world dissolved to darkness, and I felt nothing as I strayed into a long, dark dream._

* * *

There you go! Now we can actually get the plot moving along a little more. That return took **so** long to figure out - everything just seemed so awkward to write...

Sindarin Translations:  
-same as previous chapters except:  
_Hodo vae Haldir, gornon rochir_ - Rest well Haldir, valiant knight

Thanks to all my reviewers, you guys are the best!

And just for fun, I present you with a:

OC names by definition:  
Lícuma - candle (taper)  
Talagan - harper  
Celussë - freshlet, water falling our swiftly from a rocky spring  
Cuedhel - elven archer, literally elf-bow


	4. Alone Again

**The Shores of Aman**

Chapter Four - Alone Again

I feel a strong presence come to my side, one full of power and age. I do not turn my head to see who it is, I do not speak. I know it is the Lady Galadriel, but at the moment she is the last person I wish to speak with.

My beloved lies dead before me, and she is the cause of it. She sent him to his death, knowing well it was suicide.

But I do not feel angry. I do not feel sorrow. I only feel a gaping emptiness in my heart, a void where my feelings used to be.

"This is not the end, Lícuma," I hear the Lady say softly, "he has not left us forever. You shall meet again before the world's breaking."

"And how long," I heard myself whisper, "how long 'til then, my Lady?"

I can feel her gaze on me. "None can say. But do not give up hope, do not succumb to despair."

"You do not understand how I feel, Lady Galadriel," I say. "None can."

Lady Galadriel is silent for a moment. Then, I hear her voice in my mind.

"_You were not the only one who loved him, Lícuma. There are others who share your pain."_

I close my eyes. Of course, I know. Rumil, Orophin, Talagan, and many others who know and love Haldir. But I can not think of them at the moment, I am too drained of emotion to feel or think much beyond the darkness in my heart.

"Haldir," my mind whispers.

"Haldir," my heart cries.

"Why, Haldir?" I whisper.

A single, hot tear courses down my face.

The world around me fades, it is nothing. Without him, my world is nothing.

"Why did you go..."

- - - - - - -

I stare up at the blank ceiling, long hours crawling by sluggishly.

I see not the white roof, or the gold and silver of the mallorn beside me.

The talan does not exist in my mind any longer. Nothing is in my world.

Haldir has gone, the funeral and ceremonies were days and days ago.

No one has come by to see me since, I do not keep track of my days, lying here on my bed. There is no one, those that I have loved are gone.

There is no one left.

I am alone.

There are only memories, so many memories; memories of days and days when the only darkness was behind me. Days when only joy filled the present, and only joy stretched ahead. Certainly, there are tinges of sorrow in the memories - joy and sorrow are always entwined - but none of it can compare to the gaping emptiness in my mind right now.

An abyss carved of loss and despair.

I can only think of Haldir, and remember on the days past.

Holding on...

Somehow hoping for memories to become the truth. Hoping, wishing desperately to return to the days long gone.

So many memories...

I close my eyes, and let the sweet remembrance take over.

I yearn to relive each day of my past.

I delve into memories, always believing that it is the present, but always knowing that it is not so - knowing that I am lying in my bed, broken and alone.

That Haldir has left Arda.

That I am alone again...

* * *

Yes, yes, short I know. But at least it connects the story. Sorry, now we can get on with some of the plot...maybe... 


	5. Memories

**The Shores of Aman**

Chapter Five - Memories

_Bright sunlight pierced my eyelids asI stirred from a deep sleep. It was much too bright, and my eyes watered as I squinted to see. Gradually, the light dimmed. What I had thought was glaringly bright was actually only the pale starlight._

_I found myself lying on a bed, not exactly the softest in the world but not uncomfortable either. The sound of leaves in wind were all about me. It sounded so peacefull. I sat up, pulling my knees in against my chest, closing my eyes to listen. There was a dull pain in my body, but the song of trees was soothing to me..._

_I was startled form my content listening when I sensed someone come to stand at the bedside. I opened my eyes and saw that it was a female elf, with dark hair and kind grey eyes. The fair lady smiled at me._

_"You are awake at last," she said. Her voice was melodious, though deeper than most women's wont. "How do you feel? I am Moreleni, though most call me Mori."_

_"Feel?" I half whispered. Suddenly, a pang of nostaglia hit me. What was going on here? Where is here? Why am I here?_

_I shivered, though it was mild. _

_Mori looked at me with concern. "What is wrong? Are you cold?"_

_"I - I don't know... Where am I?" Myblack hair fell into my eyes as I looked up at her. "Why can I not remember anything? Who..." My teeth chattered, though I felt no cold. "Wh-who am I?"_

_Mori appeared concerned. "Cannot remember? Can you not remember what your name is?"_

_I shook my head. "No, I cannot."_

_Mori sank down heavily onto a small wooden stool beside the bed, her brow furrowed in thought._

_"She is beautiful, even when worried," I noted absently._

_After some moments, Mori's expression cleared somewhat._

_"This is a matter for the Lady," she said, mostly to herself. Then she smiled kindly at me. "In the meanwhile, is there anything you need? How do you feel?"_

_"Fine, I suppose," I replied slowly. "Though very thirtsty."_

_Mori laughed lightly, a chiming musical sound. "Small wonder! You have been out for nearly two days! And here I am, pestering you with questions." She got up and waked briskly to a small table on the other side of the...the..._

_I glanced at my surroundings curiously. There were leaves and branches about me, and I saw that I was in an open air platform amid the boughs of a large tree. Beside the bed was what seemed to be a movable wall._

_Mori returned with a wooden goblet filled with water, which she handed to me. "There is only water, I am afraid," she said apologetically. "For this is but a humble outpost talan."_

_But the water was sweet nectar to my parched mouth, and I drank gladly. When I finished, I asked, "What is this curious dwelling called?"_

_"This? It is called a talan, or flet as Men would say, a dwelling in the trees such as we Galadhrim dwell among. Though there are more luxurious and spacious homes in Caras Galadhon. This is as I have said, but a small outpost, one that Marchwarden Haldir sometimes uses for overnight watches or other times of emergence."_

_It was a lot of imformation, but I decided to wait and ask for more clarification later._

_"How did I get here?" I asked Mori. "What happened to me?"_

_Mori sobered and sat down on the stool again. "Marchwarden Haldir and his company found you on a scouting trip some two days ago while routing out a band of orcs in the mountains. He brought you back, unconscious and hurt. He asked me to care for you, since I am the head Healer of the Northern Guard Division, which Haldir is the Warden of."_

_"Is that all?"_

_"It is all I know," Mori replied. "I have tended to you since, though it was not too much strain on my skills since most of your hurts were superficial though..." She faltered, but then quickly composed herself. "And Haldir came often to check on you. He is a kind soul, and all respct and love him; including myself."_

_"You speak much of him. Are the two of you related?" I asked curiously._

_Mori laughed lightly. "Yes! I am his older sister."_

_"And I could never have asked for one better, Mori."_

_Both Mori and I turned to the source of the new voice, and found it was a fair-haired elf who had just entered from a ladder through a round hole in the floor of the talan. Mori stood with a smile._

_"Haldir, it is about time you got here," Mori said teasingly._

_"I apologize, dear sister," he replied with a twinkle in his eyes. "There was much paperwork today, and I was kept late."_

_Mori laughed and embraced him. She turned back to me with a smile. "And this would be my brother, Haldir."_

_Haldir smiled at me. His eyes were full of kindness._

_"Well met, my lady," he said warmly. "I trust that you are feeling better?"_

_I nodded, unable to get the words out from my mouth which seemed to have locked shut in his somewhat overwhelming presence._

_Mori hurriedly bustled over to me with a small plate of fruits and another cupt of water. "Here, eat something dear, you must be famished." She then steered Haldir away, saying, "Let her eat in peace; you can talk later, oh one-who-never-keeps-silent." She half-dragged Haldir to the other side fo the talan, with the tree-trunk around which the platform had been built between us, neatly obstructing my view._

_I did not think I could stomache any food at the moment, so I simply sipped at the water. I could hear hushed voices from Mori and Haldir, though I could not distinguish any words._

_After some time, Mori reappeared with Haldir. I saw Mori's glance travel to the untouched fruits, and quickly mumbled that I had no appetite at the moment. She nodded, and then urged me to drink more water._

_Mori looked to Haldir. "If there is nothing else of importance, then perhaps you would leave so she may have some rest?"_

_Haldir nodded tentatively. "Then I bid you a good night, my lady," he said courteously. I murmured something appropriate in reply. Mori said she must leave also, and asked if there was anything I needed. I shook my head, saying that I only wished for rest._

_But after she and Haldir had left, I could not sleep. I was long awake, gazing at the stars through the foilage, thinking and wondering why Haldir had left so abruptly. He did not even ask my name. Then again, it was probably for the best._

_It was only until I the first light of dawn had pierced the sky that I remembered Mori talking quietly to Haldir, and knew that they had been speaking of me..._

_-----_

_I found Haldir waiting for me as I descended from the Lord and Lady's talan, where I had just spoken with Lady Galadriel._

_"How did it go?" Haldir asked._

_"Fine, I suppose," I replied slowly." Lady Galadriel said that if I cannot remember, then there is nothing to help me. We can only hope for my memories to return one day." I felt a lump form in my throat as I added softly, "It it ever does."_

_Haldir laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. "It will be alright, do not fret. You have lost your old self, yes, but now you have another chance to build a new life."_

_I rubbed my eyes to repell the tears that threatened to spill, and nodded feebly. "The Lady said I should find a new name for myself, though I asked her to simply give me one. But she said it will be more rewarding to find a name myself."_

_Haldir contemplated this as we walked away toward the gate fo Caras Galadhon. There were many lamps along the path to guide out way, some lit by candles, others by strange means I did not understand. Haldir walked silently in thought. I wondered what he was thinking of, and gathered the courage to ask him so._

_"I was thinking of names," he said, smiling a bit sheepishly. "I have an idea, though I do not know if It would please you."_

_"What is it?" I asked eagerly._

_"He gazed at the lamps that lit our way and said softly, "Lícuma."_

_"Lícuma," I repeated to myself, liking the feel of it on my tongue. "It means 'candle', does it not?"_

_He nodded and looked down, almost as if embarrased. "It is nothing fancy or elegant, butcandles have always seemed wonderful to me. Bright, glorious, steadily lighting one's path..." He trailed off._

_I thought for a few moments more. "I like it," I said. "Lícuma. I am Lícuma."_

_He looked surprised but glad. "It suits you well, a fair name for one so fair..." He suddenly seemed to realize what he had said, and looked away again._

_But I felt my hopes and spirits rise. I had a name, I was Lícuma. and it seemed I had more than just that..._

_"So, then," I said lightly. "How about if you show me about Lothlórien a bit? Since the Lady has allowed me to stay here and make Lórien my home, it would be good to familiarize myself."_

_He looked up and saw my smiling face. He smiled also. "It would be a joy, my lady," he said with an overly theatrical bow. He took my hand in his. "Let me show you the beauties of your home."_

_-----_

_Where will you be staying?" Haldir asked as we walked by the flowing Celebrant. The day was bright, though windy._

_I brushed a strand of hair from my eyes._

_"I cannot stay at the outpost talan for much longer, but Mori has offered for me to stay with her." I looked about me and smiled. "Though I doubt I shall spend much time cluttering her home with my presence, as right now I only wan to wander about the woods, Lórien is so beautiful."_

_Haldir smiled at me. "Indeed, our homeland is fair. Though you have yet to witness a gem of Lórien's beauty. Thus far you have seen much, but heard little."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_His smile was enigmatic. "Come."_

_He led me on, toward the heart of Lórien. I began to lose my sense of direction but I guessed that we were somewhere southwest of the city. We followed the river Celebrant, silver water on one side, silver mellyrn upon the other. We gradually left the river and passed into Caras Galadhon, and Haldir led me toward the heart of the city. It was deep in the evening, and the stars were bright._

_Then suddenly, the lamp laden trees fell away, and before me was a wide swath of green. I recognized the grand mallorn at the south end of the lawn as the one of the lord and Lady. But I did not pay much attention to that mallorn at the moment. When last I had been there, I had been so caught up with worries about my life and identitiy that I had seen little of my surroudings. Now I took it all in with wonder._

_A silver fountain tinkled serenely in the midst of the lawn, where many elves had gathered. Some were sitting, others stood. The soft sound of voices and snatches of music drifted past my ears. The lawn itself was green as emeralds caught in sunlight, and the majestic mellyrn risin on all sides bordered the splendour with silver and gold. From the fountain ran a thread white-silver waters, winding away from the lawn. All was bathed in a glowing mist of starlight._

_I felt my breath catch at such beauty._

_"Welcome" I heard Haldir say, "to the Lawn of Lórien."_

_We walked by the edge of the lawn, skirting most of the elves gathered there. Some haliled to Haldir in passing, but we did not join anyone until we came across a dark-haired elf. He sat in the shadow of a mallorn, away from the others, watching with silent eyes. His black hair was long and loose about his shoulders, dark against a light grey cloak. In his hands was a silver lyre, on which his fingers strummed softly._

_"Talagan," Haldir said to alert him of our presence._

_The dark-haired one, Talagan, looked up, and his hands stilled their playing. He smiled slightly._

_"Haldir, good to see you my friend." His gaze flickered over me. "And this lady would be...?"_

_Haldir launched into introductions. "Lícuma this is Talagan, my friend and comrade in arms. He, actually, was the first who found you in the mountains. Talagan, this is Lícuma, you remember."_

_Talagan nodded to me with a kind smile. "Well met, Lícuma. It is my joy."_

_"I would say the same, my lord, " I replied politely._

_Haldir set himself down beside his friend, and I knelt next to him, being careful with the gown Mori had lent me._

_"How do you find Lothlórien, my lady?" Talagan asked._

_"It is fairer than words can tell," I sighed. "Truly, I do not think such beauties are anywhere else."_

_"True, all too ture," said Haldir. "Though you have yet to hear the music of our home. 'He smiled. "Come Talagan, how the lady your skill with your lyre."_

_Talagan laughed. "I would not boast so, Haldir. What if she finds my playing to be less than satisfying?" But his smile was good-natured, and he brought forth his silver lyre and began to play. At first there were just scattered, light melodies, one following the other. Then a song came forth, with a clear voice and moving melody. I listened, enchated. Talagan's playing was truly talaneted, and his voice was sweet._

"Let me tell you this, wan'rers who roam  
You have all lands, but I have a home.

I have a beauty that none other possess  
A home of starlight, where I find rest.

In Lothlórien, the land of silver and gold,  
More fair than any song has told.

Here my heart lies for evermore,  
Even should I return to the last white shore.

My heart lives on in Lothlórien,  
Though its gold should fade in the eyes of Men.

But in my heart my home is ever bright,

Forever shining in silver starlight.

For my heart lives on in Lothlórien,  
Though to my home I should not return again.

Still fairer than dreams or thoughts of Men,  
Is my homeland, golden Lothlórien."

_There was much more, though I did not understand all of it for Talagan began to sing in the tongue of the High Elves of the Eldar Days, of which few still understood in Arda. But the music was sweet still, though it ran with a tone of sorrow._

_As the last notes died away, there was a silence all throughout the lawn; everyone had grown silent to listen to the fair music of Talagan._

_Finally, it was Talagan himself who spoke first. "Well," he said quietly. "It seems you have managed to make me the subject of attention once again, Haldir."_

_Haldir smiled. "Attention with only good intentions my friend."_

_"Indeed," a voice rang out. It was a silver-haired elf sitting somewhat close to us, relatively speaking compared to the others at the lawn. He smiled good-naturedly at Talagan. "You have a gift for music Talagan, will it really hurt you to let us hear you play and sing more often?"_

_"No, I suppose not." Talagan smiled. "Though I thank you for the kind words Master Cuedhel."_

_"It is nothing Talagan." Cuedhel nodded politely to Haldir and I, "Good day, Marchwarden Haldir, my lady. I must be going now." Then turned and left._

_After some moments, the normal level of talk returned to the lawn. Talagan went back to strumming softly on his lyre._

_Haldir stood. "I am afraid that I have duties to attend to as Marchwarden," he said apologetically to us. "Can you find your own way back to Mori's talan, Lícuma?"_

_I nodded._

_"Then if you will pardon me, I must be going also." He nodded briefly to Talagan, then took off at a quick pace._

_I stood also. "I fear I must also be going, my lord Talagan," I said quickly and softly._

_He looked to me, his eyes were unreadable. He nodded. "I understand. It has been a pleasure, my lady."_

_"I would say the same, my lord." I dropped a slight curtsey and my steps were quick as I walked. It was acutely awkward to feel Talagan's gaze following me as I left._

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

Ta-da! Chapter Four, sorry it took so long. Anyway, hope you liked it! Oh yeah, it was all in flashback format, Lícuma's thoughts while she's out.  
And sorry about the dashes masquerading as breaks, something's wrong with QuickEdit at the moment...

**A hearty 'thank you'to all my reviewers. You guys are awesome!**


	6. Proving My Worth

**Nota Bene: **Everyone, go back and re-read the "new" Chapter 4. I realized that I had totally skipped a chapter, so if you read Chapter 4 before December 29, then please re-read it. Thanks, and sorry about the inconvenice...

* * *

**The Shores of Aman  
**

Chapter Six - Proving My Worth

_The elf glanced at me, then quickly unfolded the sheet and read it. His eyes narrowed slightly as he finished and looked at me a second time._

_I stood trying not to fidget or show weakness, this was not the time for that. So I lifted up my chin and looked him straight in the eye, not quite so easy as it sounds since he was nearly half a head taller than me. I once again cursed the fact that I had been destined to be so short._

_"My lady," he began, and at once I heard in his tone a measure of forced etiquette and also a healthy dose of frostiness. "You must understand that we do not generally allow, er, _ladies _to join as scouts."_

_"You mean that you do not accept females in general, sir," I said quietly._

_He frowned. "Well, not quite so, since you are the first to apply."_

_"Then why not, my lord?" I asked. "I have as much skill in scouting and weaponry as any other male in these woods. Why can I not defend my homeland?"_

_"It is not the custom, my lady."_

_"I am no lady, sir," I said. "I do not weave, or embroider, or take on the other frivolities that females might generally busy themselves with. I have learned the arts of war as a soldier, and I can prove myself to it." I hastily added, "Sir."_

_He frowned again, deeper. "I am sorry, but there just is no way. It is not proper. The Marchwarden would not approve-"_

_"What would I not approve?"_

_I turned back to the staircase by which the rather stubborn elf was standing. It was not one of the grand staircases in Caras Galadhon, but it was no ramshackle ladder either. It was a proper set of stairs winding about the girth of the mallorn. And striding down it was the Marchwarden of Lothlorien himself._

_"Lasindo, I though I told you to keep it quiet. I have an enormous stack of paperwork today."_

_The elf, Lasindo bowed to Marchwarden Haldir. "I apologize, sir, but the lady here has a request, and I felt it my place to inform her that it is not how things work around here in the Guard-"_

_"I will decide whether it 'works around here' or not," Haldir said, calmly but firmly. "Now, what is it..." He turned to me and seemed to recognize who I was for the first time. He smiled slightly. "Lícuma, why have you come?"_

_I started to reply, but Lasindo cut in. "My lord, really, there is no need for you to busy yourself with this. I have it under control-"  
_

_I nearly shoved him out of the way. "Sir, I wish to join the Guard of Lothlorien. I have skills as a scout or runner, and can also wield a longbow and dagger." I said it all in one breath, then held it to see his reaction. I prayed silently to all the Valar, Maiar, and other powers that I could remember for him to approve. _

_"Please..." I thought._

_There was silence for long moments. I prayed silently. Lasindo held his tongue with masked scorn, and Haldir looked at me while contemplating. _

_At last, he said, "Well..."_

_Lasindo and I snapped to attention immediately._

_He cleared his throat. "It has never ocurred before-"_

_My hopes sank. Lasindo looked righteously satisfied._

_"-but I believe it can be done."_

_My heart leapt, and Lasindo's jaw dropped._

_"Sir!" he said in shock. "It-this..."_

_Haldir held up his hand to silence him. "Let me finish, Lasindo. I see no reason why Lícuma should not be allowed to join the Guard, after all, she is a resident in our woods. It is written in our Code that we will accept any elf capable with weapons."_

_Lasindo shut his mouth, looking quite defeated. I, on the other hand, was delighted._

_"However." Haldir looked grave for a moment, and I wondered what else could be wrong. "I may be the Marchwarden of the Guard, but I am only the Warden of the Northern Marches of Lothlorien. It has been long years since we accepted any into our ranks, and I will need to contact the Wardens of the East, West, and Southern Divisions first."_

_"Oh no," I groaned inwardly._

_"I will talk to them later tonight," Haldir said. He looked to me. "I suggest you return to your home for now. I will send someone to inform you of the decision later today or tomorrow."_

_I nodded, then bowed to him and turned to walk away. Even as I left, I heard voices from behind me._

_"But my lord," Lasindo argued. This was one silver-haired elf who never backed down. "The Wardens shall be busy, they cannot afford to give up their time on such a matter."_

_"That is why I am sending you to inform them, Lasindo. I will need someone who is good at persuading people. Now, off you go Lasindo. And I shall expect the other Wardens in my office before sunset."_

_I could not help but smile to myself as I imagined the look on Lasindo's face. The poor elf._

_I went back to the talan where I stayed, waiting the day away. The sun rode slowly down into the west, and finally disappeared behind the mountains. A deep, still twilight set over Lothlorien._

_"What was I thinking? They will never approve." I paced back and forth in the small talan that was mine, winding and unwinding an old coil of string I had found. The talan was above Mori's, and used to be where she stored her old possessions. She had cleared it out for me, but odd trinkets still turned up from time to time._

_Mori herself had come in sat in the only chair in the talan, a plain wooden one, as she watched me pace. Her expression was caught between amusement and sympathy._

_"Do not fret, I am sure Haldir can persude them somehow."_

_"His word against three Wardens'?" I was doubtful on that._

_"He can be very persuasive."_

_I stared at her for a moment._

_"I am his sister," Mori said with a smile. "I should know."_

_I began pacing again, fiddling with the bit of string. There was silence in the talan._

_Mori watched me quietly. "Lícuma, how long have you been in Lothlorien now?"_

_"Eh?" The question had been quite unexpected. "Oh, a year or two by the count of Men. Why?"_

_"Do you feel at home here?"_

_"Yes, I do. This is the only home I can remember, obviously." I shrugged. "Why, Mori?"  
_

_She looked off into the sea of leaves about the talan, her eyes misty and far away. "I have been looking over you for this time, and I had thought that perhaps you do not need my help anymore."_

_"Nonsense, Mori," I said. "I would never cast you away like that. You are as a mother to me."_

_"No, no," she said, "it is not that I meant. I was saying that now, you are accustomed to these woods, they are your home. You do not depend on me so much anymore, you can live on your own."_

_"What? Mori, what are you saying?"_

_"I am old, Lícuma, much older than I may seem. I am the elder of Haldir, his older sister, this you know, but I am older than him by far. In these woods now, to my knowledge, only three elves exceed me in years: the Lord and Lady, and Cuedhel, who is the Warden of the Eastern Marches."_

_I was startled slightly, I had never expected her to be so numbered in years and still residing here in Arda. Mori still looked young as any just out of their elfling years. There was nothing about her that betrayed such age._

_Mori continued. "I am beginning to feel the wear of time on me, Lícuma, I am no longer as young or hale as I was. Arda is quickly diminishing in my mind, and I desire more than ever to take the white ship into the West."_

_I gasped slightly, I had not seem that coming._

_"That is why I asked if you were ready to be on your own," she said, her eyes kind. "I know it is hard to tell with the Elven kind, but you are still very young, and I would feel guilty leaving you here. You are like the younger sister I never had."_

_"Oh, Mori." I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. Of course, I knew I could stay on by myself perfectly, I just did not know if I had the strength to say good-bye yet._

_The silence was interrupted by a call from below._

_"Lady Moreleni?" An elf stood at the foot of the stairs to the talan, his face hidden by a hood._

_Mori got up and went down from my talan to hers, descending halfway down the stairs. I followed her._

_The elf bowed slightly to her. "I have come at the bidding of Marchwarden Haldir, with a message for someone named Lícuma, who he said is residing with you."_

_"That would be me," I said._

_His face was hidden in darkness, and even if it had not I doubted that I would have been able to read any emotions there._

_"The Marchwarden bids you to come to his office in the Northern Guard Talan. He tells you to be prepared."_

_That was all. He tipped his head to us again and left._

_I breathed deeply, wondering what he had meant by 'be prepared'. Mori looked at me, and she must have seen some of the anxiety written in my eyes for she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder._

_"I am sure it will go well," she said. "Why don't you get ready to go."_

_I nodded. What would I need? I took my weapons and cloak, of course. I also brought an extra bowstring and changed from my normal clothing - which happened to be a green robe that day - to stuff more appropriate for scouting: a comfortable shirt, light vest, leggings, and soft shoes which were easy to run in. I also braided my long hair, so it would not get in the way of anything._

_All the way to the Northern Guard Talan, I thought and re-thought of everything that I might need. I went alone, not wanting Mori to trouble herself again. I walked quickly and quietly, and worried the entire way._

_When finally I reached that same set of stairs I had been at earlier in the day, I found Lasindo at the base again. This time, he nodded to me politely and motioned for me to go up to the talan._

_I did, feeling my heartbeat pound in my ears, and aware of Lasindo following behind. The first level was a small landing, with a plain table against the mallorn on which rested a few sheets of paper. The next level was much more vast, a large area with proper walls on all sides, the wood carved to resemble many pillars of living trees. The ceiling was of wood, and was carved of a pattern of leaves. There were many chairs, a raised platform and several desks and tables at one end. There were also a small shelf of books and scrolls. I stopped here, but Lasindo coughed behind me, and I continued up again._

_The next talan had walls and a roof also, but was much plainer. There were large shelves of books, several chests and a large writing table piled with stacks of paper. Behind the table was Haldir, and before it were seated three elves in a half circle._

_"Lícuma," Haldir greeted me. "Welcome."_

_The other elves remained silent, their eyes on me. I felt extremely awkward, wondering whether I ought to bow or salute, or introduce myself. I recognized one of them as Cuedhel, the silver-haired elf I had met at the Lawn several times with Haldir._

_"As you know," Haldir continued, "we have discussed about your wish to join the Lothlorien Guard. And..." He glanced at the others, who sat with impassive faces, apparently unwilling to speak for him. He cleared his throat. "Well, there is some controversy."_

_I swallowed nervously, wondering what he meant._

_"We, the Wardens, are divided on the matter. Two of us approve, while two oppose. Actually, one of the two who oppose is only skeptical, while the other-"_

_"Haldir, must you go into the details?" a golden haired Warden said rather curtly. His face was well formed, but his expression was one of barely controlled displeasure._

_Haldir cleared his throat again. "Apologies, Ertyaro. So, the long or short end of it is, Lícuma, you are not yet accepted into the Guard."_

_"You talk long, but say little today, Haldir," Ertyaro said._

_"Come, come, gentlement," Cuedhel cut in. "We are getting nowhere. Lícuma, we feel that it would not be right for you to join the Guard at this moment, not because you are female, but because we worry how the other soldiers shall react to having you in their midst."_

_"If you are to become one of them, you must have their respect first." I looked to the speaker, and saw it was the remaining Warden, the one who had kept silent until now. He was dark of hair and grey of eye, and pale as any young lady mindful of her complexion. But his presence spoke of power and authority, and could not be mistaken for anything but a Warden of the Guard._

_"Will you now finally tell us of the plan you hinted at, Arquen?" Cuedhel asked._

_Warden Arquen nodded slightly. "A demonstration is the best way to prove anything. I would ask Lícuma to show us her skill with her weapons, and also her skill in scouting."_

_Haldir looked thoughtful. "A plan, a very good plan."_

_Ertyaro broke in. "Such a test would take time, time we cannot afford to lose. We could take the time this night, but it is already too dark to do much."_

_"Then all the better," Arquen said softly. He turned to me, and his grey eyes were keen. "Lícuma, this is your choice. You may take up our offer, and show us your skill tonight. Or, you may wait for another time when all of us are free - whenever that time may be."_

_I gulped. Shooting in the dark was never something I enjoyed, though I knew I could put up an arrow as well in the dark as I could in the light. And as for scouting, light or dark, it meant little to me._

_"Tonight then, sirs," I heard myself replying. "Right now."_

_Arquen nodded in approval, Haldir gave me a small smile. Cuedhel remained impassive, and Ertyaro tried to do the same. Ertyaro, Arquen and Cuedhel left first, and Haldir came up behind, motioning for me to follow quickly. We left the talan, and walked a ways through the woods. I glanced behind once, and saw Lasindo following us._

_I was not familiar with the area, but soon we arrived at a large swarth of open grass. I knew it to be the archery range where the Guard practiced their archery skills. I also knew how far the targets were, and they were pretty far. And it did not help that the night was cloudy, and there was hardly any light to go by._

_Haldir looked at each of the Wardens in turn. "One task each then, gentlemen," he said._

_"What?" I thought to myself. "I thought I was just going to shoot a few arrows. What tasks?"_

_Haldir turned to me. "First the basics. There is a target out there, a good fifty paces away. I want you to fire three times - first from a normal standing position, then from a crouching position, and lastly from a perch in a tree." He motioned to the mallorns behind us. "Are you clear?"_

_I nodded. I strung my longbow and chose three arrows from my quiver, the straightest and with the best fletching. The Wardens went to stand at one side. Lasindo stood by them._

_I nocked the first one, standing straight and drew the arrow back to my ear. Squinting down the shaft, I really could not clearly see the target, only a bulk in the darkness ahead. Praying for the best, I steadied my hand and released. The arrow whistled through the air, and joyfully I heard it hit the target with a solid _thud_. I crouched for the next shot, slanting the bow more than before to keep it from grazing the ground. Again, I fired the arrow and heard it hit the target._

_Now the last, and trickier, shot. Nimbly, I climbed up into the mallorn closest to the range and round a solid limb a ways up the trunk. Now it was doubly hard to see, not only being far away from the target in the darkness, but also with the added foilage before me. I balanced as far out on the limb a I could before carefully nocking my last arrow._

_"Manwe help me," I murmured. I let go of the arrow, hearing it tear past the leaves, go singing through the air and at last, strike the distant target._

_I quickly leapt down from my perch. The Wardens stood where they had been. Haldir was smiling, but not quite openly. Arquen and Cuedhel appeared satisfied, and only Ertyaro still remained coldly impassive._

_"Lasindo has gone to bring the target for our inspection," Haldir told me. Even as he spoke, the elf in question came jogging back toward us, carrying the target. I marvelled at his strength, for he showed no signs of strain despite the heavy burden._

_But more, I marvelled at my luck. All three arrows were clustered near, if not dead center of the target._

_The Wardens seemed to approve, for they all nodded as they saw the target - even Ertyaro, however grudgingly. He cleared his throat imperiously._

_"Next then," he said. "On my way here, I dropped a small medallion, knowing of the tasks. It is your job to find it, and bring it back to me. It is about half the size of my palm, copper and strung on a black ribbon." He nodded to me, clearly saying 'get going'._

_Arquen and Cuedhel glanced at him sideways, and Haldir frowned. "That is a bit extreme, Ertyaro," I heard someone say as I walked back into the woods._

_I silently agreed. Such a small trinket, and I hardly knew the way which we had come! So instead of searching for the medallion, first I looked for the signs that showed our passing. Soon enough, I found the way we had come, and after that it was simply a matter of retracing our steps and keeping an eye peeled for any sign of the trinket. I found it half covered by a leaf, and picking it up quickly went back toward the archery range._

_I presented it to Warden Ertyaro, and after examining it he nodded curtly. I felt my breath leave my lungs in a sigh of relief. But I quickly sobered again, remembering that still I had two tasks left._

_Cuedhel stepped up. "Now, let us see how fast you are. Once around the archery range, Lícuma."_

_"Is that really fair, Cuedhel?" Haldir cut in. "You are the fastest runner in Lothlorien."_

_He smiled slightly in return. "We shall see." He nodded to me. I deposited my longbow, quiver, dagger and cloak by a mallorn and went to stand by him._

_"On three then," Haldir said. "One...two...**three**."_

_I propelled myself forward in a leap to start off, Cuedhel right there with me. I ran with good speed, careful to save my strength for the remainder of the race. As we rounded the first corner, he was leading by half a pace. At the second, he was ahead by two and showing no signs of slacking. I clenched my teeth and put on more speed, closing the gap between us. I was only lagging by a pace as we rounded the last corner, and the final stretch was before me. I ran as hard as I could, lengthening each stride and putting forth more energy. I was a pace behind...now we were neck to neck...and suddenly I found myself back where we had started, and stopped just before I collided with someone._

_I was breathing hard, and realizing this quickly drew several deep breaths to calm myself. I saw Cuedhel approach me._

_"You are a fast runner," he said. "I do not think that there is anyone in Lothlorien who can outrun you, good maiden. I myself have never run such a close race before."_

_Ertyaro was not looking my way. Arquen was smiling, as was Haldir._

_Cuedhel turned to the dark haired Warden. "The final task, then?"_

_Arquen nodded and stepped toward me. "Bring your dagger." I obeyed and soon had my side arm in my hands, wondering what I was in for._

_He faced me. "Get ready. Your final task shall be to duel me in close range combat." I nearly gagged, and I heard a slight murmuring from the others._

_Arquen continued, ignoring everyone. "As an archer, your main weapon is your bow of course, but in a true battle situation it will only be useful for part of the time. When the enemy gets close, your arrows will be useless, and you must resort to your secondary weapon. Now, show me that you can wield a blade."_

_With that, he drew his longsword. The blade leapt from its sheath with an audible ring of metal that filled the air. I gulped and brought my dagger up to a defensive position. I watched Arquen for any sign of his first move, and when I found none, I decided to take the initiative. I darted forward, slashing at his torso with my dagger. He blocked easily, and in a moment I found the tip of his sword at my throat._

_His grey eyes bore into me. "When fighting an enemy with a longer reach than yours, always let him attack first." His voice was soft. "Then you can avoid his blow, get close and strike him down." He lowered his sword. "Try again."_

_I backed up a step, and prepared myself again. This time, I waited for him to make the first move. Sure enough, Arquen suddenly lunged forward, his sword coming at my heart. I sprang to one side to dodge, my dagger up and ready. But he caught himself halfway through his move, perfectly in balance and spun toward me. His sword edge gleamed fainly as he sliced toward me again. I quickly drew up my dagger to parry, and manged to deflect the blow. But he came at me again, always finding the most vulnerable areas, spots where my defenses were weak. Each time, I just barely managed to parry, but eachexchanged drained my strength, and my arm was growing numb from the shock of each clash._

_Arquen showed no signs of tiring. He slashed at her again, and as I brought up my dagger to parry, the force of his blow knocked the blade from my hands. I was knocked back by the sheer power behind his strike and fell to the ground. I started to get up, but froze as he brought his sword to rest on my shoulder, the edge pressed against my bare neck._

_No one moved, it was completely silent for several moments. Then Arquen withdrew his sword. I touched my neck, and found a thin cut there from which a drop of blood oozed._

_Haldir saw this, and turned to Arquen. Arquen held up a hand to silence the Marchwarden, knowing what he would say. "Experience comes in various forms, and experiencing the truths of the matter is not a bad thing, Haldir."_

_Haldir processed this thought, then drew a breath and did not speak as he had planned. Arquen turned back to me. His grey eyes were unreadable._

_"You show potential, though are still far from proficient with a blade. I do not doubt your skill in archery, only that more often than not an archer must find himself in situations where he must use his secondary weapon. It is imperative you learn the skills of a blade quickly. Until then..." _

_I felt my heart sinking, I had not passed. I lowered my head. Arquen sheathed his sword._

_"Until then, you may receive training from another, preferably one who has mastered the use of a dagger. If need be, I will instruct you myself."_

_I looked up at him in surprise. He was smiling._

_"You have the heart of a warrior, it is only fitting." He glanced at Haldir. "It is with gladness that I welcome you to the Lothlorien Guard, Lícuma." _

_Arquen reached out a hand to help me up, and I stood up with joy rising in my heart. I looked to Haldir, and he nodded with a smile. Cuedhel was still impassive, though the shadow of a smile lingered in his eyes. Ertyaro was not smiling, but nor was he frowning. He simply looked...defeated. _

Haldir stepped before me. "Repeat the oath after me, Lícuma. I hereby swear my allegiance with my kingdom, Lothlorien, and with the Guard. I will follow orders and respect the Guard Code of Conduct. I will defend my kingdom to whatever end and stand by the Lord and Lady. I will forever stay truthful to my homeland and stand by it."

_I repeated faithfully after him, overflowing with happiness and a sense of self-worth._

_"Having taken the oath, you are now a soldier of the Lothlorien Guard."_

_I had made it, I was in the Guard. Haldir smiled at me, and I grinned back._

_A gruff cough shattered the happy silence. We all turned to Ertyaro. "Well, 'tis getting late and I must be going. Gentlemen, Lícuma." He nodded briefly to us, then turned heal and disappeared into the dark woods._

_Cuedhel and Arquen followed suit, but with more politeness and less of the frosty edge. Lasindo had left without anyone noticing._

_Haldir stood by me, and we simply stayed there, enjoying the night for some time. Then he took my hand._

_"Let us go back, Mori will be getting worried."_

_

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Quite awkward eh? The chapter started out nicely, then quickly went downhill. Bleh, must be because my mum kept interrupting me while I was writing. If anyone really hated this chapter, I'm very sorry. ::sigh:: Hopefully the next chapter will be better.

Oh, and also, I really need a beta, anyone interested?

I think I'll actually start answering reviews, seems quite unfair people type up such nice reviews and I just dismiss them with a general 'thank you'...

**Otto's Goat **- Ah! Someone who appreciates the same humor as I! I was hoping someone would catch that, though I doubted they would find it funny. :) Hm, that idea with Haldir sounds pretty good, I was thinking of something along those lines. But I'm afraid it's going to come rather late in the story, as right now I'm trying to explain who Lícuma and everyone else are. But, thank you very much for the lovely review!

**Pilly** - Merry Christmas to you too! Thanks for the review, though I do wish you wouldn't type in shorthand... But maybe you were rushed, so I won't complain. ;)


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